I have a combination of several disabilities, chronic pain, fatigue, due to my Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Depression and PTSD. I have been disabled or suffered from medical trauma my whole life. I believe my several somatic conditions arose from trauma early on in life, due to race, due to being bullied for being LGBTQ as a teenager. It is this link between mental health, trauma, and chronic pain/disability that I believe helps us understand disability as an interlinked lived experience that is directly intersectional with other oppressions. It has been noted the stress of too much cortisol in young peoples bodies early on in life, means there is a likely chance of poorly working immune systems, nervous systems overloaded, and pain signals being amplified/cross wired with miscommunication. All this reveals to me, that trauma, and especially life long trauma such as racism, or being trans, or witnessing or suffering from abuse/conflict war, informs disability, including mental health and its impacts of living under a society that repeatedly erases your existence and worth as a person. These are large impacts, and cannot go ignored. They all contribute to surviving in this world.
This year three people in my community have died since May 2021, one of them was a good dear friend of 8 years. One of them was my close friend’s partner. They were poets, artists, activists, speakers, shining beacons. They all suffered with poor mental health. They were disabled and chronically ill.
They were all trans.
They all sadly died of their own hand.
To keep losing people this way is an assault on the community of queer and trans people that knew them and loved them. But it’s like several pebbles in the water, the ripples keep coming, and even if we aren’t close to the next person who goes, there is an accumulative effect. The grief builds, and there isn’t time to recover. This is a calculated effect of a transphobic and ableist government. It is not a side effect. It is intentional.
I want to talk about how disabled and or chronically ill, black and brown people with poor mental health, who yes are Trans, are not believed they are in pain, or that they are suicidal, that even under care teams and the NHS mental health services, we lose people. That disabled, black and brown, and trans people and their pain is seen as disposable. That we cannot separate people identities, the intersection of multiple oppressions and multiple stresses of having to survive under the conditions of the world as it currently stands, means society says there isn’t space for the dignity and access to proper trans health care, housing, resources. People are disabled by society. We do not require to make ourselves fit, our bodies align. We need society to make more space.
As a person who moved through formal education, and at UAL no less, and faced extraordinary ableism. The institution needs to make more space. I wouldn’t have completed my studies, I wouldn’t have got through university if I hadn’t had somewhere to go, such as a safety net of supportive parents. My positionality means I survived formal education when so many others couldn’t. We need to do more for disabled students, and incorporate it into our teaching across the board, intertwined in our approach. Being disabled isn’t about overcoming obstacles, we are not heroes who manage against the odds. Because so many disabled folk do not manage against the odds. They matter. They deserve to live, and thrive. We matter, we deserve to live and thrive.